Raheem Avery De Mayo

I have no idea what the Chinese stuff says
I say it says Raheem…… Yall don’t know either so nan!

I heart Raheem DeVaughn AKA My Shugg Avery ----



So Raheem DeVaughn is a 5th of May baby….. A Taurus. That explains the whole Kung Fu grip incident at Sharpie Gate.

I wonder how old he’s turning
I bet he’s timeless
I bet there is no birth year on his certificate of birth --

When I woke up this morning I felt a small pang of glee in honor of Cinco De Mayo (the next best holiday to New Year’s Eve) and I wondered exactly how many reasons I had to get wasted, then I checked my calendar……. VIOLA thanks shugg and parents for giving me reason number 124 ---- Just when I think I can’t drink another sip, I’ma throw that last shot back, dance me a jig and pass the fuck out to the sweet soothing sounds of Raheem DeVaughn aka My Shugg Avery……

I don’t care if Margaret side eyes the shit outta me everytime I call him this,



she gots to learn to share. (Yes I see her in my thoughts, she tells me how pretty my smile is.)
Because he gon always be my wittle Shugg Avery, ya hear that Co. ? ALWAYS

Nothing but a near death experience can keep me from it ----




So in honor of your Birthday I got you a virtual cake --- It’s red velvet,
I ate a piece, I got hungry typing this up, oh and shugg, it's divine ---

I also got you a virtual gift-card to Target, I’m on a budget….

I picked this one because you seem like an animal lover......

I also got you a virtual CD, it's Jay Z’s Blueprint 13 --- (be honored, this isn’t set to drop for years to come…don’t leak any songs either, he has joined forces with the creole connection)


And last but not least, I got you and annoying ass ecard but I don’t have your email, soooo I sent it to myself instead, In honor of you of course…………

Enjoy ur day Shugg!!!!

~Mrs. B

"Don'ts"

In my haste to be done with everything I forgot to be done with everything. This makes sense to me and you too if you can relate to my contradiction filled, mundane existence—Here I am wrapped up in the construction of my checklist of “don’ts” and I realized that I have been putting damn near all of my energy in exactly what I told myself I had to banish to the fiery pits of hell, never to be thought of again.

La-la-la-la-la, don’t do this, get rid of that, stop buying this, block the email, don’t eat that anymore, throw those away, clean that up, take that back, don’t you call him, stay from over there, La-la-la-la-la

These thoughts cloud my head each day. It’s not that I am procrastinating it’s that I literally develop at least 5 new don’ts a week…… it’s sickening even. I try something new and develop hatred towards at least one part of it. I noticed this on a recent outing with a Texan fellow – We had dinner, I didn’t even enjoy the good in the dish, I ate to taste the bad in the dish, what it was missing, how it could have been better, how I could improve on someone else’s recipe…. Pure Grinch like behavior. I don’t do it on purpose, it’s as if I have been taken over by the creator/s of The Sour Patch Kids.

If only I could master the art of grudges, the essence of banishment, the true act of zero tolerance – imagine that, me, she who rids herself of all things unholy unsheli with ease, as opposed to repetitively coaching herself to do so. Some of this can be blamed on my pushover-like tendencies, there I said it – I have a soft side. Not to be confused with a Charmin like softness though, when comparing to paper products I’d say my softness is equivalent to cardboard. I could be completely done with something at 11:45 am and by 2pm I’m thinking of reasons why I shouldn’t be. Contradiction at its finest.

I need a sponsor, someone to aide me in being done with something for good. I can admit my weakness, that’s the first step to recovery right?

Mrs. B

Randomness Anyone?

I woke up this morning and decided that it is high time that I post a blog on here. I really don’t have a main topic or any key talking points, I pretty much just want to get some things off my chest.

Let’s see where do I begin?

Do I start with my expected male bashing or a good old fashioned workplace rant? Should I expose some undercover perverts, shout my love for Kobe’ Beef from the mountain tops, list my do’s and don’ts of fall men fashions and end this with a nice drink recipe for you and your significant other?

Yes you are right, too many questions. Since when have I actually cared what people wanted me to talk about? This here my blog joint and I am just going to fill this post with as much “inappropriate jargon” (I love that phrase) that I can muster up for the day. Enjoy.

Dating When You Have a Child, Girl Child or Boy Child – It Doesn’t Even Matter and the Undercover Perverts That Live Among Us.

This is a scary thing, how in the hell do we determine who is safe to be around our children? Some may say the usual criminal background check or good old fashioned intuition. I say although these methods have proven reliable in the past there is also the possibility of meeting someone pre-pervert, pre-molestation charges, pre-murder rap, pre-robbery conviction etc. Which solidifies the fact that you never really know somebody- For example, I am not a killer but- (you know the rest) and given the situation I may just have someone thinking damn, I never thought ‘ol Shells would have done that person like that. Hence meeting someone pre pervert and what not.

So in the end I say just don’t bring anyone around your chirren unless you are physically and mentally prepared for the trials and tribulations of getting to really know them. Hell all you really need out of a relationship is sex anyway – have casual relations and keep it moving. This way you won’t have the possibility of fainting while cooking breakfast and watching the news when your latest fling’s sketch illuminates your screen while he or she is dressing your children for school. Trust me you will thank me later.



My Love for All Things Kobe’ Beef

Will never end. I don’t care who or what situation shall arise my love for my dear Kobe’ will never cease. I love you and all of your beefiness – shout out to creativity.

One last thing…..

Fall Men Fashions

Should not consist of fitted slacks, jeans, shirts, sweaters, blazers or draws. The only thing fitted should be your cap. There is a fine line between tailored and fitted – discover it and go gracefully my dear Manchild.


Oh and the drink of the evening shall be…..

The BONECRUSHER

You will need;

1/2 oz gin1/2 oz vodka1/2 oz triple sec1/2 oz rum1/4 oz grenadine syrup1/4 oz Rose's® lime juice2 oz sweet and sour mix1 oz Champagne

Combine all ingredients (except Champagne) in a cocktail shaker and shake vigorously. Pour into a tall glass, preferably a pint glass or large brandy snifter with ice, and float the champagne on top with a squeeze of lemon. Throw on your best pair of imnotdoinshit sweats, click on the TV and relax to the sweet soothing images of syndicated television!

Mrs. B

BLOCKED

It’s been so damn long since I have blogged on here, how the hell are ya people? I’ve been working on a new and hopefully “stalker proof” page and it should be up and running soon. Its chock full of great shit too. Meanwhile I am a tad bored with things and I’d like to release some energy into this here universe. The thing is I am blocked, I need some ideas. Feel free to just toss some stuff into the comment section and if anything tickles my fancy I’ll hop on it.

Love Ya, Missed Ya

Mrs. B

A Letter To My Auntie

I wrote this a few months back, a friednd of mine just realized what I was talking about ------ I just wanted to share.......

Dear Auntie,

There is no nice way to say this to you, I mean I do respect my elders to a certain extent and I know that one wrong comment to you can make my life a living hell for days at a time. I have to give it to you straight though - because I am tired of tip toeing around "hoping" that you won’t get wind of how I really and truly feel about you. We have been engaged in a love hate relationship for over the last ten years and I have never once been able to voice my opinion to you. It’s like I hate your ass with a passion every time you come around but at the same time I yearn for you when you take too long to come back.

Oh and don’t you even say you have always been there for me, don’t you dare. You abandoned me for over nine whole months during the course of our relationship, not once but twice. The only reason why that was cool was because of what came out of the neglect. Real funny stopping by those first four months as if nothing was going on, Sure I played a part in your absence but that is no reason to try and ditch me like this in my time of need.
Auntie for real I need you right now, I need you like no other. I can’t make it without you, please find it somewhere in your soul to get me through this. How can I go forth with my plans without you by my side Auntie? You know that you are one of the main reasons why I can gather my thoughts to plan for my future. Okay I know you disagreed with me getting that Depo shot because it drove us apart, I apologize for that. From the bottom of my heart I really know that I messed up. You must understand that I had to protect myself in order to be able to get myself on track. I thought we made amends, I guess you tricked me huh? The joke is all on Sheli right now.

Enough is enough Auntie, I need you to get your ass here asap! Do you seriously believe that because I only see you once a month that I will not catch your ass? Hell to the naw auntie, the best thing for you to do is plant your ass in my womb and then get your flow on like no other. Now is not the time for jokes I have way too much stuff popping off for you to desert me like this. The best thing you can do for me is make a cameo, do it for me, do it for the children, do it for my piece of mind. I am borderline basket case right now and the pre Auntie Flow pangs that pierce my side will be welcomed with open arms this time, I swear to you auntie I have learned my lesson and I appreciate you and all that you do for me.
Sincerely,

Mrs. B

P.S. I will even spring for the fancy "equipment" just for you, so please please PLEASE let me see you in the next 7 days, you can pop up at anytime I swear I will not curse you for showing up unannounced.

*** Oh readers, please leave encouraging messages to sway auntie my way****

FUCK YOU FRIDAY

Happy Fuck You Friday to All and to All a Great Day

Feel Free to drop your FUCK YOU’S in the comment section!


I’ll start off with a huge hefty FUCK YOU to the big ass MTA bus driver that decided upon a mid day booty call with my neighbor and blocked like two parking spaces forcing me to park down the hill!

Oh and another FUCK YOU to whoever stocks the poultry at my nearest grocery store. The whole damn section was full of chicken legs and wings! I specifically went in for thighs……


Mrs. B

Happy Posting - - -

A Thousand Words Thursdays

This right here

"YO GABBA GABBA"

Is on the air for everyone to see, even the children (our future)

Come on with your thousand words

FUCK YOU FRIDAY

This Weekly post is an open invitation for each of you to give a huge FUCK YOU to whomever or whatever has been on your last nerve lately.

This FUCK YOU is brought to you by Sunsweet Prune Juice (found at your local grocer)

So that you may let the SHIT go!


I wan’t to start off the FUCK YOUS with a huge FUCK YOU to the common cold! BITCH I can’t taste my food.

And round it off with a grand FUCK YOU to cheap ass Kleenex and ungrateful men – I am tired of running through both yall asses


Feel free to leave your FUCK YOU’S in the comment section


You’re welcome

Mrs. B

Thursday's A Thousand Words

Welcome to A THOUSAND WORDS THURSDAY here at Mrs. B’s blog.

Starting today and every Thursday I will post anything from a pic to a phrase that can be interpreted in many different ways, a thousand even. Happy interpreting!