I wanted to blog about this and that and all types of things that have been happening as of late yet each and every time I sat down to write I would get distracted.
I was left with bits and pieces of everything from poetry to recipes…. I am proud to say that I am about 300 words into my short story collection…. Maybe I should spice up the literary world by publishing a collection of handwritten shit. Just because I am too lazy to type. Hey, that has a nice ring to it……
So here it is….. my ummmm, usual random vent blog… Enjoy
Taking Shots
Not back shots of course, I mean shots of that joy juice that gets me all ready to do tha hanky panky, tumble with the bundle…… you know “make hay” well recently I discovered the untrue side to a “bar myth.” There is no such thing as “Beer Goggles” That whole little phrase is a pure crock of shit. I say this because I went on a buffer meet for a friend of mine and not only was the guy unattractive from the start, after about 3 drinks he became repulsively unattractive. I was surrounded by unattractive men. Then again I was in Baltimore. Wait I take that back, I have seen a few “catches” here and there, in this instance I may have been invited out to the “unattractive guy’s watering hole” (UGWH)Nevertheless that whole Beer Goggles thing is nothing but a got damn scapegoat to ease the shame and guilt one would feel when facing one’s fling sober. Wait, I guess it’s not a pure crock of shit after all, I’ll drop the pure and just call it a crock…….
Assume
I just had to throw this in here, as I was leaving the Unattractive Guy’s Watering Hole I took a few moments to gather myself in the parking lot. While sitting there fighting back my tears of repulsion a rather “schwanky” BMW pulled into the lot…. You could faintly make out the silhouette of a bouffant style hairdo, leading one to think “there are women in this BMW” ahh hemm, it is 2010……… There was a group of about 7 or so members of the UGWH standing off to the side, they began to cat call and one said aloud, “I’m trying to ride with whoever is driving” From my position I could see that the car was occupied by a man and a woman, or was it? The scene was straight out of Belly, I was just waiting for the dusty chirren to run along side of the car in hopes of seeing their favorite celebrity. I got that in a sense, just replace the dusty chirren with dusty menfolk and there you have it….
So the car sat, by this time I am curious as to just how the hopeful fellow would do with getting the drivers information. I just had to see their reaction when this couple got out of the car. So I sat, cursing myself for not choosing a cell phone with a backlight and flash --- Hell - to each his own – whatever tickles your fancy ---- Like a flash, out jumps The winner and 1st runner up to Rupaul’s Drag Race --- But not really, yes two flaming gay men exited the vehicle, one in complete drag (honey chile was fierce) and one in a Metro Sexuals Finest – Skinny Jeans, Skinny Vest, Man bag and Mandals ---- Boy oh boy them dudes scattered like roaches, the shit was hilarious, I even heard faint sounds of regurgitation – I swear I did. Hey that’s what happens when you assume – you make an ass out of who??
The Preacher Man
There is an abundance of Reverends here in the Baltimore area. Is this a new trend? I do believe I have met 4 Preacher Men in the last few weeks. This is creeping me out. This is either
1. A sign from the lord up above that I need prayer and someone to lay hands on me.
or
2. A sign from the lord up above that I need prayer and for someone to lay hands on me.
Either way all of them mother fuckers have side talked prayer and laying hands on me --- unholy sinful ass bitches.*church clap*
I Blame it on the Warden
When in the hell did I go to sleep and wake up in the Trailer Park Zone? I am no Jerry Springer Alumni – I do not know the proper way to visit a man in prison without waiting in a long line. I have no clue as to the ETA’s of “jail buses” and a good amount of change for visiting room snacks. I am no lady waiting so do not treat me as such. I will keep the rest of my comments under wraps out of the fear that them “boys” may get me…. I’m fragile
The Baby Momma Collection
I am not sure who sings/raps this song but all I hear in the background as I type is “all these niggas and all these bitches” It has a “west coast” vibe to it. I do not feel like going on google, aside from the fact that a mere inquiry to lyrics.com damn near shut down my whole computer via porn pop ups, ha! I just don’t feel like it. Talk about awkward, imagine that call to Information Technology *hubba- hubba* luckily they were fully aware of this virus attempt and I was not the only one to experience it.
I shall now be a BING girl.
Moving on, these dudes and their haute couture summer 2010 baby momma lines are getting quite out of hand. I had the unthinkable happen, I was approached by a rather slovenly gentleman inquiring about child birth. Yes childbirth, apparently since I have a car seat in my vehicle his “baby mommas” and I have something in common. So much in common that I was respectfully invited to have his next child, he has a goal. He’s at baby number six and he informed me that he wants to father 10 children just like his pappy did……. I am torn, do I curse him for filth because of his blatant disregard to the values that come with childbirth or do I commend the poor lad for setting a goal and sticking to it?? Needless to say I left him confused and rethinking his approach towards women.
This to my fellow Baltimore Women, “you’re welcome” – Hey, it coulda been you
In closing I would just like to re-iterate the fact that although I have been blessed with girlish looks I am not interested in you, you half married bastard. Besides, just as the value of marriage has dropped so has the value of a mistress.
I would also like to say that I am in no way shape or form interested in eating like a Muslim. The next person I meat (pun intended) that tries to sway my bacon preferences will be made an example of. I do not wish to live my life porkless and bowing however many times a day in whatever direction so that my children can be abundantly giftless at Christmas time. If you were offended tough titties, I take offense in your slander of the other white meat.
Good Day Folks,
Mrs. B
Showing posts with label Playing Married. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Playing Married. Show all posts
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
No Greedies
It’s wonderful how a childhood tradition can translate into so many grown – up things. I have something to say……… A story to tell…….
This story involves three main characters, I will call them Ms. Tan, Ms. Gold and Candy Bag. I recommend you read this blog while sitting Indian style, munching on some animal crackers and sipping a juice box.
If you are good then you will have 15 extra minutes of play in the sandbox.
Ms. Tan loves to eat candy, she loves her candy so much that she will do any and everything for it. She carries her candy bag wherever she goes, work – school – mall – everywhere. She confesses her love for candy all throughout the day and night. She often empties her candy out onto the table and admires each piece one by one. She savors each and every single bite in a different way. There is no doubt that Ms. Tan is all about her candy. She values it so….
One day something odd happened, Ms. Tan got so used to eating candy that she just assumed it would always be accessible. She figured since she has invested so much admiration into her candy bag that it would never go empty, never fall behind, never - ever change its taste. She was confident in her candy bag and why shouldn’t she be? She kept it full, she put every morsel into it and removed them at her own will. The perfect woman to candy relationship and vice versa. Slowly but surely Ms. Tan began to leave her candy bag at home, she would remove certain pieces to munch on throughout the day, the load of the bag began to weigh her down. Instead of cuddling with her candy bag during movies at night she would again take out the pieces she desired and leave the bulk of the bag in the cabinet or on the shelf. Ms. Tan was secure in leaving her bag behind because she knew that candy bag knew just how much she once valued it, she was certain that she could leave and return to candy bag just as she left it.
Well candy bag had something different in mind. The bag would get excited everytime Ms. Tan came near, candy bag loved the time they spent, all it could do is replay the many times they spent together in its head. The late night cuddle sessions, the trips to the park and watching the children play, store runs to restock its contents…. The look in Ms. Tans eyes as she would just plain old love what was pulled out that bag – no matter the circumstance. Candy bag longed for Ms. Tan to once again include it in her daily routine, be it negative or positive all it wanted was to be loved as a whole again and not just a vessel for the certain pieces she adored. Days went by and candy bag just sat on that shelf dusty and stiff, the only movement it experienced was the opening and closing and removal of pieces. One day out of nowhere it happened – Ms. Tan grabbed that candy bag up, tossed it into her handbag and headed out the door – awww candy bag was on top of the world, just a happy and a riding to Ms. Tan’s beat…. They did everything together just like old times, life could not be better for them. It was back on and everything was seemingly smooth, until candy bag felt a breeze, it was a bit chilly and dark….. it only took a few moments to realize that it was alone. Ms. Tan had forgotten candy bag on the porch. Alone it sat, dedicated to Ms.Tan and confident she will return, scoop it up and apologize for all the wrong she has done, the hurt she has caused – nothing….. Days, weeks, months went by and there candy bag sat unnoticed and untouched on the porch. Ms. Tan would pass by on her way to and from wherever, not even so much as acknowledging its presence. Lonely it sat, once again.
Ms. Gold happened by their residence and noticed this beautiful sack of candy, just sitting – seemingly untouched for days. She was curious of its contents but knew it belonged to Ms. Tan because it was on her porch. She wanted to inquire about the bag but didn’t quite know how to ask, it was no secret that Ms. Tan and her Candy were inseparable. She just couldn’t figure out why the sack was just left to suffer the conditions of the elements all alone. Ms. Gold couldn’t take the suspense, one day she ventured right up on Ms. Tan’s porch and opened up that bag, it was a beautiful sight. So many different choices, the reflection of the sun caused different hues of light to flicker across her face, the excitement in her eyes told it all, she scored… the ultimate candy jackpot. Ms. Gold quickly placed the bag back where she found it and hurried off the porch. All she could think about was why Ms. Tan had left the candy bag so. She would see Ms. Tan going about her every day routine, walking right past the candy bag pulling out a piece every now and then, one day Ms. Tan even took candy bag back into the house, she sat it on the shelf once again but this time with the explanation on having so many bags that this one would have to stay behind. It was easier for her to select the pieces she would munch on throughout the day than to carry the load of the whole bag. So candy sat…….. Once again Ms. Tan scooped up candy bag for a cookout, she figured there would be snacks there that she could fill it up with, Once again candy bag was left…… at the cookout on a side table unnoticed.
Ms. Gold was there, she instantly recognized this bag and felt a pang of excitement in knowing what was inside. She carefully watched Ms. Tan and saw her blatant disregard for the bag. She decided then and there that she too wanted the joy that having a candy bag could bring. In an instant Ms. Gold snatched that bag up and was off. Admiring each and everything about it, eagerly removing the pieces wanting to know more and more about the different flavors and consistencies. Loving it and loving the fact that it was left alone, appreciating the opportunity to explore and get to know the pieces. Then one day out of the blue Ms. Tan happened past Ms. Gold and saw what was once her bag of candy peeking out of her handbag – At that moment Ms. Tan decided she liked not only candy but candy bag as well. She liked the fact that she could control and ration it even more. She snatched that candy bag from Ms. Gold and stomped away. Stopping at nothing to keep Ms. Gold away, she put candy bag deep down in the bottom of her drawer and locked it. She was satisfied with the fact that candy bag was in her possession even if it was just for mental comfort. Ms. Tan was content in knowing that she had stashed candy bag away for her personal use and forgot that their love was once a two way street. Ms. Tan was dependent upon the comfort that the candy in that bag gave her at her own will and selfishly kept it within her drawer……..
She would let candy bag out for special occasions and at times when it was convenient for her. All the while still pulling out bits and pieces in between. Candy bag began to realize it is worth something as a whole and desperately wanted to be left again. This time it’s different, Ms. Tan has grown stingy, She has began to manipulate candy bag into wanting to stay right down in that drawer, wanting to be stashed and picked through depending on the need, threatening it with off-brand candy and limited visits. She is good too, she has even incorporated tears and self pity into her routine. Ms.Tan is finally aware that there is value in her candy bag it only took for it to get snatched away and explored at least five or six times. A sad story because a candy bag has no real mind of its own in this instance….. all it has it what it has known and is told. How do you get through to a big ol bag of candy? Especially when the bag is stuck in the past memories of their once mutual affection? Especially when the bag has been brainwashed into living like a superhero to a damsel in self inflicted distress.
Mrs. B
This story involves three main characters, I will call them Ms. Tan, Ms. Gold and Candy Bag. I recommend you read this blog while sitting Indian style, munching on some animal crackers and sipping a juice box.
If you are good then you will have 15 extra minutes of play in the sandbox.
Ms. Tan loves to eat candy, she loves her candy so much that she will do any and everything for it. She carries her candy bag wherever she goes, work – school – mall – everywhere. She confesses her love for candy all throughout the day and night. She often empties her candy out onto the table and admires each piece one by one. She savors each and every single bite in a different way. There is no doubt that Ms. Tan is all about her candy. She values it so….
One day something odd happened, Ms. Tan got so used to eating candy that she just assumed it would always be accessible. She figured since she has invested so much admiration into her candy bag that it would never go empty, never fall behind, never - ever change its taste. She was confident in her candy bag and why shouldn’t she be? She kept it full, she put every morsel into it and removed them at her own will. The perfect woman to candy relationship and vice versa. Slowly but surely Ms. Tan began to leave her candy bag at home, she would remove certain pieces to munch on throughout the day, the load of the bag began to weigh her down. Instead of cuddling with her candy bag during movies at night she would again take out the pieces she desired and leave the bulk of the bag in the cabinet or on the shelf. Ms. Tan was secure in leaving her bag behind because she knew that candy bag knew just how much she once valued it, she was certain that she could leave and return to candy bag just as she left it.
Well candy bag had something different in mind. The bag would get excited everytime Ms. Tan came near, candy bag loved the time they spent, all it could do is replay the many times they spent together in its head. The late night cuddle sessions, the trips to the park and watching the children play, store runs to restock its contents…. The look in Ms. Tans eyes as she would just plain old love what was pulled out that bag – no matter the circumstance. Candy bag longed for Ms. Tan to once again include it in her daily routine, be it negative or positive all it wanted was to be loved as a whole again and not just a vessel for the certain pieces she adored. Days went by and candy bag just sat on that shelf dusty and stiff, the only movement it experienced was the opening and closing and removal of pieces. One day out of nowhere it happened – Ms. Tan grabbed that candy bag up, tossed it into her handbag and headed out the door – awww candy bag was on top of the world, just a happy and a riding to Ms. Tan’s beat…. They did everything together just like old times, life could not be better for them. It was back on and everything was seemingly smooth, until candy bag felt a breeze, it was a bit chilly and dark….. it only took a few moments to realize that it was alone. Ms. Tan had forgotten candy bag on the porch. Alone it sat, dedicated to Ms.Tan and confident she will return, scoop it up and apologize for all the wrong she has done, the hurt she has caused – nothing….. Days, weeks, months went by and there candy bag sat unnoticed and untouched on the porch. Ms. Tan would pass by on her way to and from wherever, not even so much as acknowledging its presence. Lonely it sat, once again.
Ms. Gold happened by their residence and noticed this beautiful sack of candy, just sitting – seemingly untouched for days. She was curious of its contents but knew it belonged to Ms. Tan because it was on her porch. She wanted to inquire about the bag but didn’t quite know how to ask, it was no secret that Ms. Tan and her Candy were inseparable. She just couldn’t figure out why the sack was just left to suffer the conditions of the elements all alone. Ms. Gold couldn’t take the suspense, one day she ventured right up on Ms. Tan’s porch and opened up that bag, it was a beautiful sight. So many different choices, the reflection of the sun caused different hues of light to flicker across her face, the excitement in her eyes told it all, she scored… the ultimate candy jackpot. Ms. Gold quickly placed the bag back where she found it and hurried off the porch. All she could think about was why Ms. Tan had left the candy bag so. She would see Ms. Tan going about her every day routine, walking right past the candy bag pulling out a piece every now and then, one day Ms. Tan even took candy bag back into the house, she sat it on the shelf once again but this time with the explanation on having so many bags that this one would have to stay behind. It was easier for her to select the pieces she would munch on throughout the day than to carry the load of the whole bag. So candy sat…….. Once again Ms. Tan scooped up candy bag for a cookout, she figured there would be snacks there that she could fill it up with, Once again candy bag was left…… at the cookout on a side table unnoticed.
Ms. Gold was there, she instantly recognized this bag and felt a pang of excitement in knowing what was inside. She carefully watched Ms. Tan and saw her blatant disregard for the bag. She decided then and there that she too wanted the joy that having a candy bag could bring. In an instant Ms. Gold snatched that bag up and was off. Admiring each and everything about it, eagerly removing the pieces wanting to know more and more about the different flavors and consistencies. Loving it and loving the fact that it was left alone, appreciating the opportunity to explore and get to know the pieces. Then one day out of the blue Ms. Tan happened past Ms. Gold and saw what was once her bag of candy peeking out of her handbag – At that moment Ms. Tan decided she liked not only candy but candy bag as well. She liked the fact that she could control and ration it even more. She snatched that candy bag from Ms. Gold and stomped away. Stopping at nothing to keep Ms. Gold away, she put candy bag deep down in the bottom of her drawer and locked it. She was satisfied with the fact that candy bag was in her possession even if it was just for mental comfort. Ms. Tan was content in knowing that she had stashed candy bag away for her personal use and forgot that their love was once a two way street. Ms. Tan was dependent upon the comfort that the candy in that bag gave her at her own will and selfishly kept it within her drawer……..
She would let candy bag out for special occasions and at times when it was convenient for her. All the while still pulling out bits and pieces in between. Candy bag began to realize it is worth something as a whole and desperately wanted to be left again. This time it’s different, Ms. Tan has grown stingy, She has began to manipulate candy bag into wanting to stay right down in that drawer, wanting to be stashed and picked through depending on the need, threatening it with off-brand candy and limited visits. She is good too, she has even incorporated tears and self pity into her routine. Ms.Tan is finally aware that there is value in her candy bag it only took for it to get snatched away and explored at least five or six times. A sad story because a candy bag has no real mind of its own in this instance….. all it has it what it has known and is told. How do you get through to a big ol bag of candy? Especially when the bag is stuck in the past memories of their once mutual affection? Especially when the bag has been brainwashed into living like a superhero to a damsel in self inflicted distress.
Mrs. B
Thursday, May 13, 2010
V-Diaries: Why Do Men Cheat?
A true soldier in he own right, sista girl SONCERAE went into the fiery pits of man hell and asked the age old question, “why men cheat” I was lucky enough to be asked to view the video she posted as a result of her asking men (and I use that term loosely) of all ages this question. Me being the anti relationship/male bashing stay single fuck these lying ass negras advocate that I am Yall know I gotta weigh in on this topic, I can sum up my theory on why men cheat with one word…… Reassurance
Men need to constantly be reminded that their wangs can fit into holes. Ahh their forgetfulness is neither here nor there when it comes down to relationship status. Hey fellas it’s easy, if you think it fits it fits – Ur wang is of a cylinder shape her cooch is of a circular shape.
That is subliminally placed into your head in pre-school sir, remember these
Men need to constantly be reminded that their wangs can fit into holes. Ahh their forgetfulness is neither here nor there when it comes down to relationship status. Hey fellas it’s easy, if you think it fits it fits – Ur wang is of a cylinder shape her cooch is of a circular shape.
That is subliminally placed into your head in pre-school sir, remember these
Even still we have the hard headed (no pun intended) ones that just won’t commit the shit to memory. So they keep the why men cheat question in circulation. All the answers on this video are pretty much a crock of shit, WAIT - I will let you all be the judge, feel free to view and continue reading.........
A crock of hot lies mixed with hotel soap scum and paper trail hoe shit.
A crock of post club hard on what does cooch feel like again oh I better test my wang in case it shape shifted doesn’t matter if I have a significant other at home helping my selfish ass through life shit ---
There needs to be a mini reminder segment that pops up after each quarter of his favorite sport.
“Hey You there, penis stand --- I’m of a cylinder shape homie, guess what, your side piece got a vagina just like you girl does…. It’s true, all women have vaginas… It’s been proven. There is no need for you to continue testing the theory.” “your side chick is readily available because she is not focused on taking care of your home/children, she’s focused on pure penetration, stop neglecting the homemaker and realize your whore stays prepped for wang while wifey stays prepped for life…” ~Sincerely yours, the Penis Association
It should also continuously run on monitors in restrooms, gas stations, brothels, freezer aisles at grocery stores, shoe stores and pharmacies. Until they get the point, hell any woman with a big ass should be mandated to have a mini LCD run across her derriere….. They are looking there anyway, well according the first few guys in this video they are ---
Hey it doesn’t have to be a fancy schmancy message it could simply read
“we all have these”
That’s simple enough, right?
Then again maybe it should say
“boys have penises and girls have vaginas”
That way they won’t be so prone to investigate……
Men need reassurance, they want to feel wanted just as much as we do…. They may have a lady at home taking care of business; him, the children, bills, working, cleaning house all that. Fuck you if you think she supposed to answer the door positioned for doggy style after all that shit. Bitch you put down the dumb shit to make the babies put down the dumb shit to concentrate on aiding in their being raised. Fuck, I’m tired of seeing young men in skinny jeans, balls all tight and shit – Because of yall’s lack of guidance the next generation’s sperm count is gon be near non-existent. Daddy too busy running around doing hole checks like that shit comes with a 401 K and Aetna --- We humans are in danger of extinction because needy ass penis stands can’t be satisfied with one woman.
Sure you can get the side piece prego but shit, after a certain age yall gon be birthing mentally/physically challenged mini humans. Why the fuck should that happen?
As I roll my eyes and stomp my feet in anger you all should check out SONCERAE’S youtube at www.youtube.com/sonceraefan
Oh and both men and woman can go here to get a subscription to her magazine
Block Dymez Magazine ---
http://www.blockdymezmagazine.com/
I think it would make a great stocking stuffer, let’s go back to the good old days when men touched their no – no spots in the bathroom while the ball and chain is busy getting ready for the next day. It will save on gas and RX co pays, you can be at home, have the big O and contribute in the banishment of all things skinny jeans related.
Ur Welcome,
Mrs. B
Thursday, February 19, 2009
You're Lacking
Hello all, I am fresh from the bat cave and ready to com-fucking-plain. It’s the same fucking thing over and over, history damn sure repeats itself and through comparing notes with my cousin over the last few days I have realized that change comes to no man. I don’t mean man as in human I mean man as in yall mutha fuckers that walk around with your brains stretched between your legs, hanging between balls of Satan. I am not angry or mad as hell. I am disappointed in the last three fucking generations. Pissed off as the place where more than most of yall bastards were bred. How the fuck you gon be in your mid forties with seven fucking children and still be lame as fuck? How in the birth place of you are you going to go from baby one to baby seven and not change nothing but your draws? I swear the same shit different day was derived by an angry woman.
Bombay won the poll and we witnessed straight DC fuckery at it’s finest over this Valentines/I call time weekend. I have to quickly relay the bullshit so that to can be released into the universe further concreting the fact that me and relationships will more than likely lead to a nice cushy box or cell depending on my reflexes.
Situation One
Actually happened on Valentines Day. I was extremely comfortable and content with my most faithful suitor, Sir Bombay Sapphire, when I walk into the pits of hell, disguised as a birthday party for a child. To sum up the evening events, my friend and children’s aunt had a party for her son. Which of course turned into a grown up party. Not in the sense that you are thinking, this shit turned into some old Judge Judy Hatchett-Ephiram type shit. I mean her and her friends actually coaxed three men one of which is her husband into laying out their most recent troubles in front of everyone….. Umm yeah I was sure the night would end in violence. Of course I joined in on the grilling. This shit went from one broad whom we all just met voicing how her “man” is upset because she doesn’t swallow to someone removing locks from his “baby mommas” door to get in and catch her slipping. I swear this shit was you tube worthy… If only I carried release forms and a video camera on my person at all times………
Moving on, I left the “party” only to get a phone call from my friend saying her husband stole the fuck out of her on the balcony and she’s in the parking lot with no keys. Yes I hauled ass back to her house to find out her and her mother had to beat that niggas ass for hitting her and I was too late, or so I thought. I get there and the punk bitch has a nerve to come back into the house….. Use your imagination people…….
In the end I hate woman beaters; they are evil and need to be destroyed.
Situation Two
My cousin has two children by a man in his mid forties that has the mind of a pre-teen. How it happened, I don’t know. Why she stayed with him, I have no clue. Why this nigga didn’t show up to his daughter’s birthday party but came around empty handed after the festivities and promised her a toy then didn’t come around for two days…… DIPPERS!
Get the fuck from the Pentacle and raise your children! You fucked up on five you would think these two would inspire your weak ass. Nope your motivation is the time the dipper spot becomes available. WTF? You old as shit. Bitch you bout to reach retirement and all your eligible children qualify for a mere $84 a month. Where did you life go? Has anybody seen his manhood? I believe it leaked out when his umbilical cord was cut. If you happen to see his common sense and shit laying on the wayside please send it to P.O. Box my cousin makes bad choices 666.
Yeah she saw that he didn’t raise the first five when they met, I guess he got game. The jig is up bastard they are here now. Take a bath and embrace fatherhood.
I could go on and on but I won’t - I have had enough. Fini I am, is that French? Either way I say fuck it….. These bastards will not change. I posted a blog on myspace as to why. I must post it after this. I can say part of the blame is females.
Mrs. B
Bombay won the poll and we witnessed straight DC fuckery at it’s finest over this Valentines/I call time weekend. I have to quickly relay the bullshit so that to can be released into the universe further concreting the fact that me and relationships will more than likely lead to a nice cushy box or cell depending on my reflexes.
Situation One
Actually happened on Valentines Day. I was extremely comfortable and content with my most faithful suitor, Sir Bombay Sapphire, when I walk into the pits of hell, disguised as a birthday party for a child. To sum up the evening events, my friend and children’s aunt had a party for her son. Which of course turned into a grown up party. Not in the sense that you are thinking, this shit turned into some old Judge Judy Hatchett-Ephiram type shit. I mean her and her friends actually coaxed three men one of which is her husband into laying out their most recent troubles in front of everyone….. Umm yeah I was sure the night would end in violence. Of course I joined in on the grilling. This shit went from one broad whom we all just met voicing how her “man” is upset because she doesn’t swallow to someone removing locks from his “baby mommas” door to get in and catch her slipping. I swear this shit was you tube worthy… If only I carried release forms and a video camera on my person at all times………
Moving on, I left the “party” only to get a phone call from my friend saying her husband stole the fuck out of her on the balcony and she’s in the parking lot with no keys. Yes I hauled ass back to her house to find out her and her mother had to beat that niggas ass for hitting her and I was too late, or so I thought. I get there and the punk bitch has a nerve to come back into the house….. Use your imagination people…….
In the end I hate woman beaters; they are evil and need to be destroyed.
Situation Two
My cousin has two children by a man in his mid forties that has the mind of a pre-teen. How it happened, I don’t know. Why she stayed with him, I have no clue. Why this nigga didn’t show up to his daughter’s birthday party but came around empty handed after the festivities and promised her a toy then didn’t come around for two days…… DIPPERS!
Get the fuck from the Pentacle and raise your children! You fucked up on five you would think these two would inspire your weak ass. Nope your motivation is the time the dipper spot becomes available. WTF? You old as shit. Bitch you bout to reach retirement and all your eligible children qualify for a mere $84 a month. Where did you life go? Has anybody seen his manhood? I believe it leaked out when his umbilical cord was cut. If you happen to see his common sense and shit laying on the wayside please send it to P.O. Box my cousin makes bad choices 666.
Yeah she saw that he didn’t raise the first five when they met, I guess he got game. The jig is up bastard they are here now. Take a bath and embrace fatherhood.
I could go on and on but I won’t - I have had enough. Fini I am, is that French? Either way I say fuck it….. These bastards will not change. I posted a blog on myspace as to why. I must post it after this. I can say part of the blame is females.
Mrs. B
Friday, January 9, 2009
One Part Single Woman One Part Married Man
From the moment she laid eyes on him she knew that they would have sex.
She was attracted to his looks first and decided she would ask questions later.
His sexiness over-rode the fact that he was married all she wanted was sex and mild companionship.
I actually sat down and talked with a close friend of mine about sleeping with a married man. As we all know there are many different entities that make up these affairs, she has allowed me to blog her rundown in effort to get a few opinions on the situation. Although this relationship has ended we still feel the need to mull it over.
Is what she did wrong? Exactly how serious are marriage vows taken these days? If wifey is aware of hubby’s actions can the mistress be blamed for accepting his love?
How would you view this situation?
THE MEETING
Mrs. B: How did you feel when you first met?
Ms. Tress: “I felt like he was the most handsome black man that I have ever seen, I had it set in my mind that we would get down.”
Ms. Tress: “I said to myself, Im’a fuck him”
Mrs. B: What part did you play in the pursuance of this relationship?
Ms. Tress: “A major part at first it was subtle hints and then one day I decided to just go for it. I had to let him know I wanted him”
DOUBTS/RED FLAGS
Of course the fact that he is married was a huge red flag in her query, she didn’t want a relationship all she wanted was sex – or so she thought.
Mrs. B: Were there any doubts in your mind when it came to getting involved with him?
Ms. Tress: He was honest!
Ms. Tress: “Well him being married raised a huge red flag in the beginning but I didn’t care about that. He was honest in his admittance to taking the vows for all the wrong reasons. I mean he said it but who am I to say if it’s true or not.” But that didn’t matter I also felt like he was the one that was married not me, god would judge him. And I wasn’t the one that was married he was
Ms. Tress: “He explained to me how him being married was not a huge factor in us getting down, his marriage was more forced than anything. (Dudes getting married to keep from child support etc.) He confided things in me, not just for sex, these convo’s took place before the deed was even done. There was a three - week courting period of us hanging out at various bars and restaurants around town. I was not a secret and that only cemented the fact that his marriage was indeed a joke. This guy would talk with me on the phone with his wife by his side. Actions like this would definitely make me think that his relationship was not cemented.”
Ms. Tress: “Once sex came into play feelings got involved as with any situation, I took pleasure in pleasing him and was content with him being sexually and mentally satisfied. Neither of us expected for it to be that good until we found ourselves fucking whenever possible.”
THE HAPPENING
Things happen and people change, the mask gradually comes off as these relationships progress. A public mistress in a sense but love can be blinding.
Mrs. B: During the course of your relationship explain the feelings you had towards how you were valued in his eyes, how does he make you feel when he is around?
Ms. Tress: We were just cool, he would come over I felt like his mistress and was fine with that. He makes me feel so good “when he’s around” as time went on things began to slack off.
AND SO IT GOES ON
Tread lightly when it comes to workplace romance. Can this be validated as romance? Sure it can……. It’s a gift and a curse for both good and bad days.
Mrs. B: How often do you see each other and when you do how is the situation carried?
Ms. Tress: “Here’s where it gets interesting, we work together and we have been working together for a long time now, you see these type of situations get real tricky, twisted even. It’s one thing to have an affair but when he has to see me, the “other woman” each and every day on the job it makes for a messier rendezvous.”
“I mean we fuck at work, and it’s good. I don’t usually deal with guys that like anal sex but with him it’s different I’ll give him the ass because it’s what he wants and I will do anything to make him happy without compromising my happiness”
Mrs. B: Him being a married co-worker, how did it make you feel knowing that he was sleeping with you and he has a wife and a child?
Ms. Tress: I really didn’t concern myself with that, that’s his battle. Don’t get me wrong I know I reap what I sow but I am not the one actually stepping out of my vows
REGRETS
She has no regrets, “all I wanted was for him to want me.” She appreciates being wanted and called upon in his time of need. She has decided to fall back from him, the situation is wearing on her nerves. She just wants him to be a really good friend and keep having sex
Mrs. B: If you could go back, is there anything that you would have done differently?
Ms. Tress: “I wouldn’t have been so eager in revealing certain information because once that happened his whole swagger changed and this is the main reason why I decided to fall back”
Ms. Tress: “When I met him I knew that all I wanted was for him to want me, I love being wanted, He gave me the attention that I needed and in return my wanting him grew into a slight love for him.”
HER OUTCOME
She will be satisfied with them being just friends, he’s a good person. He says he cares about her as she does him, she has learned allot from this experience, “there are things I will do and things that I won’t do” and in fact she is still learning a lesson.
Mrs. B: With the situation that you are in now, the outcome, how do you plan on dissolving or embracing your friendship?
Ms. Tress: I plan on embracing it, I am not going to let it dissolve I will let nature take its course; I will always want him to be a part of my life.
Mrs. B
Married to the blog - -
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