(May 13, 1922 – April 25, 2009)

No I will not go into a long drawn out summary of this truly Golden Girl! If you don't know who she is then you should be shot with a shit gun and killed for stinkin!

R.I.P. Dorothy, Maude, Bea -----------------

Mrs. B's Crush of the Week!

So Orgasmic

Mrs. B

Yeah it's ummmmmm

FUCK YOU FRIDAY!

Take that shit like diddy!

I can't even begin to voice my shit cuz them boyz might just get at me...

Release in my comments

Gracias!

Mrs. B

The Mansplit

Happy Tuesday All!

I have been itching to write a good old fashioned vent blog for quite some time now, I have recently been blessed with the perfect degree of pure Fuckery to get the ball rolling……….. In addition to this cyber temper tantrum that I am about to post I feel the need to ask a few questions. Just to get my queries out into the universe in hopes that some Good Samaritan will pass by my blog and leave some answers in the comment section.

I love men, I swear I do. I don’t want to hurt them. I just want to hug them – kind of like Elmira.

These men out here keep so much shit with them. Half of these bastard children don’t know what the hell to do with themselves. The other half are scared of change and would much rather sit and talk about what it is they want out of life. As yet another decade passes them by they sit and wonder what life could have been. They re-live all the wrong choices they have made from the shouldas to the wouldas as they throw hate at the ones that were bold enough to have a plan and stick to it. You can find one on your nearest corner, stoop, park bench or sofa. (35 years old wearing true religions) Easy to spot they are – just one look into their face gives off that old head vibe, the look of them being the sole human to come from a hard childhood. (The answer for everything) The air about them screams I am the soul survivor of hardships and I fucked up my chance at success therefore those around me must keep me cozy down here. If you listen real close you can hear them chanting the failure of others. You can hear them saying I must stay surrounded by those that are just like me, that way I can continue to justify my failure by not leaving the hood and staying true to my peers. The stench of hindrance that seeps from their pores is almost permanent, kind of like cigarette smoke in your hair. Their mannerisms act out “stay the fuck down here with me dog” without them even moving a muscle.

You can attempt a conversation just for kicks and figure them out by the time your body completes one cycle of blood flow. Psychiatrists say body language aides in pinpointing a lie. Some are so devious as a result of their "upbringing" that they have mastered control of the tell tale signs of bullshitting. They are quick but not as sharp as most. They tell on themselves through contradiction. Their very presence is contradictory. The common line “oh I’m not like the others” loses its finesse when your aura screams otherwise, you are not like the others yet you are a cookie cut of the rest, you want to better yourself without sweating, you want success without hardships, you’re single in a relationship, you have no children but you have two or more kids. The usual. the fuckery, their life.

What about the undecided ones, as wishy- washy as a three year old. I can’t even say a five year old because at that age most children can focus long enough to complete a jumbo puzzle. Going non- stop from sun up to sundown. In lust with everyone out of love for themselves. Selfish for the most part but sweet for personal gain…… No real goal for life, willing to wing it just to get by another day. So stereotypical-Sad I know, so what do we do? We try to coax them into putting that energy and mentality into something worthwhile….. the truth is a necessary pain. It’s imperative in the reconstruction of a stagnant man. Most can’t make it past the realization period and they fold. They tuck themselves inside a 5th of dark liquor or a cigarillo. Would this person think it’s time to quit if they have lived through three eras of roll-ups? These grown ass “keep a nigga” babies gone wrong are really fucking with society. Call it what you want but from my viewpoint the wishy -washiness is a direct result of “daddy wasn’t there” syndrome.

The attachment issues that they hold inside keep them from nurturing others. Its not that they don’t know how, it’s that they only know how when it’s convenient for them. Of course he is going to love you when his ass has no home, the jump offs are hip, his money is low and he knows you’re cooking. That dude is going to be right up in your shit playing house. Don’t get too comfy though because once he deceives his next asset you may forget how he looks for a minute. There goes that drifter thing again. There goes the next woman to be called out her name for scowling at a dude just for saying hi. It’s partly her fault, yeah that is true. In most cases that same woman is an enabler……….. Either way that dude is wrong because more than likely he is on the prowl.

Whew that was a great vent. No for my questions, there are three that have been bothering me for a few months.

1. Why do we continue to enable the wrong type of behavior?

2. Why are some folks so co-dependant that they put up with blatant disrespect on a daily basis?

3. Why do we all have that one friend that you never hear from until their counterpart is messing up and they need someone to talk to?

Mrs. B

One step at a time yall…. One step at a time.

The Side Dish

I wrote this blog months ago, I felt the need to repost this in effort to help out a dear friend of mine that is on the verge of becoming the vegetable of a meat eater………..

So here it goes – this one’s for you girlie!

I wanted to blog today so that I can get some insight on my most recent dilemma. I am sure you have all guessed by now that I have been seeing someone. Well sort of. Let me explain a little about me. I am stingy and selfish, I hate liars and I must get my way. I throw random temper tantrums from the smallest mishaps and I love to smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol. That about sums me up.

This is what I see when I step outside of myself and take a gander at this Sheli person.

Which is why I feel the need to express how I, Sheli, almost ended up as the side chick.

I was on the plate and I almost made it to the table

I mean really, picture me as the string beans! The freaking mashed potatoes and gravy, the corn on the fucking cob, the got damn succotash, the damn asparagus sprinkled with hollandaise sauce, the fucking peas and carrots, the baked macaroni and chee---- wait I don't mind being some bomb ass baked macaroni and cheese –ah hem, my point being – I am the main chick damn it! I don't give two shits about anyone else once I come into play! Call it what you want as long as you call it! My relevance is so necessary.

Let me explain my madness

You may have multiple folks you are dealing with - lets say three. Not necessarily sleeping with them all but these three are the closet thing to you outside of family. Now out of the three there is one that you are head over heels for, the other two are relevant but you really don't care if they ever call or come again, the problem is those are the two that are trying to wife/husband your ass! All the while the keeper really doesn't have time for you. So what do you do? You entertain yourself with fillers. Yes the other two are kept around to compensate for what you want but don't have, you trick yourself into believing they are worth your time. These two combined do everything that you want the keeper to do. Pure misery. Fuckery at it's best. The fillers can do whatever the hell they want with whoever the hell they want but that keeper, oohhh that keeper had better not stray cause then it's gonna be some smoke in the city!

This shit is so fuckin twisted yall, pure selfishness because yeah you may have that one main guy or girl with your fillers on the side and it's fine, because it's you, but man o man why in the hell do you get so fucking pissed when you find out your main guy or girl has a filler or two of his or her own?

Okay on to my point. I started out in this dudes life as filler, which is fine cause he filled plenty 'o nights 'o mine but I'm sayin though, how the fuck you gon attempt to pull the wool over my nosey ass eyes? I know everything damn it! I fucking birthed the next generations Wendy Williams for Pete's sake! The whole no time for Sheli thing is coming to light, either way it goes I don't want to be around for the outcome. Some folks are not cut out for the whole main girl side chick thing because they are weak

Guy A + girls B, C and D = Guy A is chasing girl B
Girl B + guys E, F and G = Girl B is chasing guy E
Guy E + girls H, I and J = Guy E is chasing girl H - And so forth and so on,

A fucking circle. I think I need new shoes

As long as you enter someone's life as filler you will never become the main one. There is always gonna be the one that is truly wanted in the back of their mind and if and when their time comes your ass is gonna be back at the filling station. (If you allow it) It's all or nothing with me, which is totally hypocritical. I can even take it to the whole "do as I say and not as I do thing" Yeah I am having an issue.

I am a woman scorned damn it, there is a mile long list of issues that I have with even the smallest form of commitment. I am sure that dudes have issues as well but I am more important than you damn it!

I need a shrink – I want to vent to someone that gets paid to evaluate me and give me medication prescriptions.

I did a blog about filler once; don't get me wrong they are nice to have. Especially in the winter, but it's when you come across that filler with potential that things get all messy and shit.

I hope this helped - -


Mrs. B

FUCK YOU FRIDAY'S

Good Morning my lovelies! Yes you have guessed it, it is time for another lovely rendition of FUCK YOU FRIDAY’S – all up n through my blog! So umm have at it in the comments section and don’t hold back!

I’ll start with an uber huge FUCK YOU to the inventor of the underwire.

I’ll round it off with a FUCK YOU to the shit for brains that built the password retrieval system for my storage unit………..