"Don'ts"

In my haste to be done with everything I forgot to be done with everything. This makes sense to me and you too if you can relate to my contradiction filled, mundane existence—Here I am wrapped up in the construction of my checklist of “don’ts” and I realized that I have been putting damn near all of my energy in exactly what I told myself I had to banish to the fiery pits of hell, never to be thought of again.

La-la-la-la-la, don’t do this, get rid of that, stop buying this, block the email, don’t eat that anymore, throw those away, clean that up, take that back, don’t you call him, stay from over there, La-la-la-la-la

These thoughts cloud my head each day. It’s not that I am procrastinating it’s that I literally develop at least 5 new don’ts a week…… it’s sickening even. I try something new and develop hatred towards at least one part of it. I noticed this on a recent outing with a Texan fellow – We had dinner, I didn’t even enjoy the good in the dish, I ate to taste the bad in the dish, what it was missing, how it could have been better, how I could improve on someone else’s recipe…. Pure Grinch like behavior. I don’t do it on purpose, it’s as if I have been taken over by the creator/s of The Sour Patch Kids.

If only I could master the art of grudges, the essence of banishment, the true act of zero tolerance – imagine that, me, she who rids herself of all things unholy unsheli with ease, as opposed to repetitively coaching herself to do so. Some of this can be blamed on my pushover-like tendencies, there I said it – I have a soft side. Not to be confused with a Charmin like softness though, when comparing to paper products I’d say my softness is equivalent to cardboard. I could be completely done with something at 11:45 am and by 2pm I’m thinking of reasons why I shouldn’t be. Contradiction at its finest.

I need a sponsor, someone to aide me in being done with something for good. I can admit my weakness, that’s the first step to recovery right?

Mrs. B

Universe Please Take These Thoughts From My Head - -

Happy Thursday to each and every one of you, I am feeling the need to release yet another rant into the universe. After all, this is the best way for me to cope with my unrealistic selfish ways. I am too lazy to act out and throw tantrums. That takes energy that I would much rather put into extracurricular activities. I don’t have the time to analyze where I stand, or should stand in certain relationships. Be it personal or work related. The best that I can do is exist. This is not to be confused with a stagnant Shells going about a depressing day to day routine in hopes of a miracle, what I mean is I can only be me in all of my glory till death us do part…. Hell, even then I may stick around to get a laugh out of spookin folks.

As most of you are aware I am not a chameleon AT ALL. I can’t do the whole “change up” when certain folks come around, hence my short lived plight with corporate America. I mean really, I am what I’m working with. That’s it and that’s all. Just me.


Let’s see what else, oh me and my “lonely’ as I call it. Or is it my lonely and I? Well either way I am learning to control my lonely. The best way for me to explain this is - I get dangerously lonely sometimes, as we all do. With that comes boredom and I am liable to start fires just to see response times and what not, okay not that serious but you get my drift right? It’s even harder when Sheli wants company but Juanita wants to be alone. Most times I just throw a few shots back and let Sherylle decide. That way I don’t have to choose sides. Menfolk don’t always understand my need for attention which is understandable seeing as how most times I am only in contact for my benefit. The problem comes in when someone slaps them with the “clue stick” and my antics are discovered. That’s always a blower.


When a conversation with you feels like pulling teeth it’s time for me to hike up my dungarees and skidaddle. In no way am I going to force myself upon you. It’s not my fault that you do not realize the blessing that has been bestowed upon you in the form of my presence – that’s your loss. All I can do is neatly tuck the memory of you inside my hope chest and pray that one day you will get a clue, where’s the “clue stick” in this instance huh? Take it how you want it, I’m just not really into the whole thing anymore. Even though the available applicants are few and far between, I am going to go ahead and give it a try. I think at least deserve the luxury of random phone calls. Damn.


I really hate the whole “in a relationship” thing when people use it to their advantage. I actually fell for a guy that did this on the regular, until I realized that all he does is “spin records” and possibly penises. Yeah I deserve a drink or two.


Missing a few of my old flames. I can-not believe I just typed that. In all honesty I am actually missing someone. Someone must have spiked the coffee and not with khalua! Someone spiked it with stupid serum or something, either that or my inner desperate woman is screaming for attention. I say this because the flames that I speak of have each played an intricate part in my decision to request the banishment of all males between the ages of 25-34 from Sheli’s World.


The end, I think
Mrs. B

Too Busy Wanting It

Yes I am starting off the year with yet another confusing ass revelation to my spinster ass ways. I am sure we are all aware of the all too familiar “I don’t want a relationship” or the “I don’t have time for all the extras” that is until you watch that one sappy love story or hear that one ballad that sends you into a whirlwind of emotions. (Or in my case a whirlwind of vodka ridden emotions) this does not only happen in my drunkenness I promise. My reaction to the big “R” varies daily. I feel a range of emotions, anywhere from being in awe of the lovely hand holding couple to smiling graciously at the man that hugs his woman ever so gently while they wait in line at the ATM. Sometimes I find myself wanting to know how it feels to have a man pick me up from work so I don’t have to deal with the stressful drive home and even feeling a slight pang of envy as an office mate gets her usual afternoon “boo time” phone call.

Then on other days I interpret the same actions in a different light, I see that couple holding hands and think to myself how possessive and insecure they both are, who holds hands with someone over nine years old when crossing the street anyway? Then I see the damn leech at the ATM with his personal teller and mentally curse his ass for filth and wonder how ol girl is gonna react when he leaves her ass. Oh and the dude that pics up his girl from work, has no choice since his lame ass ain’t workin anyway. Probably a “stay at home” dad that’s about to be a “rapper” blah- Then I want to disconnect the phone wires when the Mr. calls the Mrs. To check her ETA, he gotta make sure all remnants of the mistress are gone before wifey gets home - -


Confused I am and confused I will be. I don’t think I will ever have that special something with that special someone. I am too busy wanting what I am having trouble comprehending. I have realized that the old saying “you’ll never find love if you look for it” is true. I am guilty of partaking in the whole I am going to let love find me mumbo jumbo and alas it has been revealed that I am destined to be single. It fits me better than involved. Almost fits like a glove.

I don’t want to "wrap" yall up, IJS

Mrs. B